Party of six.
After almost three and half years the small and innocent, nearly minuscule, tasks still manage to find a way to rock me to my core. Something as little as rearranging photos around the house can leave you gasping for air. You feel the full panic attack coming on. What I can tell you now; a loss parent moving just one photo is not the same as you moving one photo.
I couldn’t have understood the weight this simple act would carry before my son died. Now every detail is precisely analyzed. The balance...the balance must always be maintained. A delicate and invisible scale you carefully try not to tip.
It is truly an emotionally exhausting act. Keeping the child you no longer have on earth present...yet figuring out a way to do it with Grace.
A balancing act for your living children. Continuously worried you may make them feel as though they live in the shadows of the sibling they lost.
How do you create space for this without creating a shrine? How do you merge a life that once was with a life that now is? How do you tell yourself one more time - there will NEVER be a photo in existence with all of your children together?
Time passes. But no matter how much time that is they are never erased from our hearts, our minds, our souls. Though the world may see us as a family of five; we will ALWAYS be a family SIX.