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I'm Tired.

I'm tired.

I'm tired of missing you. I'm tired of living a life without you in it. I'm tired of imagining what you would look like and who you would be.


I'm tired of pretending I'm ok. I'm tired of not actually being ok.

I'm tired of the anxiety. I'm tired of the depression. I’m tired of PTSD.

I'm tired of the sense of emptiness in the most crowded room.

I'm tired of faking it.

I'm tired of explaining I have four kids even though you can only see three.


I'm tired of people complaining about what they don't have. I'm tired of people complaining about what they do have. I'm tired of people complaining about politics. I'm tired of people complaining about the meaningless, mundane parts of life that do not matter.


I'm tired.


I'm tired of constantly feeling as though I fall short as a mother to my children on earth. I'm tired of not being the wife my husband signed up for. I'm tired of trying to get to know this new version of myself.


I'm tired of people thinking it is time to move on. I'm tired of the other side not understanding that grieving your child doesn't just go away. Ever.

I'm tired of hearing a new parent has had to join this horrific club I now belong to. I'm tired of the fact parents have to bury their children.


Most of all I'm just tired of knowing each day I can feel you with me but I can't touch you. I cannot hold you. I cannot kiss you.


I'm tired.